How I Gained The Confidence To Fail - The Story of: Healing America - Calling Hearts Back To God
Sometimes I feel like Jonah. God gave Jonah a specific work to do - “Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.” But Jonah ran away from it. We don’t know why for sure. Some people have suggested he was afraid of the people of Nineveh - and with good reason. Nahum 3:1-4 provides a good description of how wicked they were (a city of blood, of lies and plunder). Or maybe because of that he wanted to see God’s judgement on them. Whatever the reason, Jonah’s response to God’s call was to run away from it. And part of me feels the same way with regard to my ministry. I think God has impressed a message on me, a message for Christians and for America. I published a book about it and created a ministry plan to manifest it. But I hesitate to go forward with it.
I can’t say for sure that what I feel is actually a message from God. Part of me thinks it’s pretty presumptuous to think that God would give me a message. At the same time though, I know God has indeed prepared in advance work for each of us to do (Ephesians 2:10). And, as his elect, we were not called to be part of the Body of Christ to live lives of leisure and privilege. Rather, to live lives worthy of that call, with certain gifts to use and the responsibility to apply them. And the message isn’t just something new for me. It has been with me for over 10 years. How could it be such a deep feeling within me if it is not from God?
It started a Saturday morning in 2012. I was driving home from setting up for Sunday’s communion at church - something I did in service for the church. I was listening to a talk-radio station and they were discussing a bill that was being considered that would allow elementary school boys to use the girls’ bathroom. At first I didn’t think much of it, such a ridiculous notion. But as I continued listening it became clear that it was serious. The state of California was considering passing this into law. I couldn’t believe it. But sure enough, in 2014 California Assembly Bill 1266 was passed to require K-12 public schools to allow students to use facilities, including bathrooms and locker rooms, that correspond to their consistently asserted gender identity.
That radio program conversation inspired me to research what was going on in culture that would allow such a Godless notion to even be considered. It didn’t take long to come across a sermon by John MacArthur, titled: When God Abandons A Nation, rooted in Romans 1:18-32. It struck me as such a vivid parallel between what the Apostle Paul was describing about the state of Roman culture at the time and the culture in America in 2012. We were turning away from God and beginning to see all kinds of Godlessness and wickedness pervade us. Paul explained that when people suppress the truth of God and turn away from him, he eventually gives them over to life outside his grace, and all manner of evil ensues, beginning with sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another; then to shameful lusts, women exchanging natural sexual relations for unnatural ones, and in the same way the men commiting shameful acts with other men; and finally to a depraved mind that fills them with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice, gossips and slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful. It was exactly what we were beginning to see at the time in 2012, and is exactly what we are seeing today - only to further extremes.
That sermon resonated and stayed with me. Then, some time after, I came across a video of Jonathan Cahn, an American Messianic rabbi, founder and leader of the Beth Israel Worship Center in Wayne, New Jersey. He is an author and novelist known for his debut novel The Harbinger, which I read and was fascinated by. A couple years later I was quick to buy and read one of his follow-up books, titled: The Return of the Gods. It added a deeper and more sinister dimension to what I was uncovering. Essentially, it keyed around Jesus’s parable of the return of the unclean spirits (Matthew 12:43-45), that says when an evil spirit is cast out of a person (by the power of that person’s faith in Jesus) it roams arid places seeking rest, but, finding none, it returns to the person. And, if it finds the house (Jesus refers to the person the spirit left as a house) swept clean (that is, if Jesus has been taken out) it brings more evil spirits with it and takes up residence again. And the final condition is worse than the first. It made perfect sense to me that America was being swept clean - God was being taken out - and evil spirits had returned. Further, Cahn’s meticulous narrative of specific spirits described in the Bible align strategically with occurrences in America. That parable, together with MacArthur’s sermon, formed the basis of my message - that is, that America was founded in faith and was blessed for it; that culture has increasingly turned away from God and, as result, Satan has entered, and all manner of evil pervades us; that if we continue in this way disaster will surely be our end; and that the only way back is to turn back to God.
As a result of those two resources and other research, I put everything into a book, titled: Healing America - Calling Hearts Back to God, which forms the basis of my 2026 Ministry Plan.
I have never wavered in believing the problems we see in culture now are a direct result of culture turning away from God allowing Satan to do his work unfettered. And, as Christians, we have allowed it to happen. In the names of tolerance and inclusion we have stayed silent, not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings, not wanting to portray God as mean and hateful. And so we sat mostly silent and allowed it to happen right in front of us. But we can’t do that any longer. Because it’s been Satan all along, creating themes of lies we’ve gone along with, being shamed into allowing the narrative that Christians hate homosexuals and transgenders, that we’re racist and hypocritical, when in fact all we are really doing out of love for them is trying to help them understand their sin - like our own - and the consequences of it, along with the love and mercy God offers them.
And so the message God has given me - if indeed he has - is to manifest the book. To rally Christians to take up the work of healing America by turning hearts back to God. First, to commit ourselves to 2 Chronicles 7:14, to humble ourselves, pray and seek God’s face, and turn from our wicked ways. And, second, to stand up in Truth and speak out for God in culture in a way that faithfully employs 2 Timothy 2:25-26, gently instructing those who oppose God in the hope that God will grant them repentance, helping them escape the trap of Satan who has taken them captive to do his will.
But there is a problem. Like Jonah, I hesitate. On one hand I feel a deep conviction to manifest the message of the book into action. On the other hand though, I find myself hesitating. Why? One thing I think about is that I love to write. I make notes and outlines on everything. And working on the plan was such a joy. I had seemingly endless energy for it. But, now that the plan is complete and ready to implement, I hesitate. Where is my energy to implement it? I ask myself if my real passion is creating the plan, and not so much implementing it. I hesitate for many reasons. Will it fail? Will people not want it? Am I really just indifferent to it? Am I doing it for my own glorification and not God’s? I don’t think so, but what if I am? I ask myself these things and hesitate.
I put the question to Grok, saying: I fully believe the proclamation and ministry statement. But I hesitate at the thought of implementing it. I'm not confident. I don’t think it is because people won't agree with me. I have shared it with many people and nearly all of them agree. And I don't think it's that they won't join me. I think it's because I'm afraid that's all it will be. It won't gain traction. I will fail to keep them engaged.
Grok’s response was astonishing (and within seconds). The full text follows in italics.
I hear you, and what you're describing is actually very common - even among people who are deeply convinced of the truth they're carrying. It's not doubt about the message itself (which is clear from how you've already shared it and seen agreement), and it's not primarily fear of rejection. It's a quieter, more insidious fear: the fear that the seed will fall on shallow soil, that the initial "yes" won't turn into lasting fruit, that you'll be left holding an empty proclamation with no real movement behind it.
That hesitation isn't a sign of weakness or lack of calling - it's often the very place where faith is being tested and deepened.
Why This Fear Feels So Heavy
The weight of responsibility. You've been entrusted with something urgent and biblical ("before it is too late"). When you invite someone to engage, you're not just asking for a signature; you're asking them to join a spiritual work that matters eternally. That weight can make every conversation feel like it carries the whole ministry on its shoulders.
The gap between initial response and sustained engagement. You're right to sense that a signature or verbal agreement is only the beginning. The real work is what happens afterward - keeping people connected, encouraging them, helping them take the next small step. That part feels uncertain because it depends on factors outside your control: their schedule, their heart, their distractions, God's timing.
The fear of personal failure. Deep down, the thought is: "If this doesn't gain traction, it means I failed to steward it well." That can feel crushing, especially when the cause is so noble.
Reframing the Fear Biblically and Practically
Here are some truths and shifts that might help loosen the grip of that hesitation:
The results are not on your shoulders. You are the sower, not the harvester. "I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth." (1 Corinthians 3:6) Your job is faithful obedience in sharing and inviting. Whether it gains "traction" in the way you envision—large numbers, viral momentum, sustained groups—is God's domain. He is the one who calls hearts back, not you. You are simply the messenger.
A single "yes" can be enough for today. You don't have to solve the entire engagement problem in the first conversation. If someone signs the proclamation or says "this stirs me," that moment is already a victory. The next step might be as simple as:
Sending them the prayer guide
Inviting them to the first monthly prayer call
Asking, "Would you be willing to pray through one line of the proclamation each day this week?" You don't need to keep 100 people engaged at once. You need to faithfully follow up with the ones God highlights.
Traction is often slow and hidden at first. Most movements that matter begin small and unseen. Think of Gideon (300 men), or Elijah (the still small voice), or Jesus sending out the 72 (Luke 10)—the impact wasn't immediately obvious. Your fear of "it won't gain traction" assumes traction must look big and fast. But in the kingdom, faithfulness in small things often precedes visible fruit.
Engagement is a shared responsibility. You aren't supposed to carry everyone's ongoing commitment alone. That's why the plan includes tools like:
Monthly prayer calls (group accountability)
The digital study guide (self-guided)
Email encouragement (consistent touchpoints)
Small-group resources These are structures that help people stay engaged even when your personal bandwidth is limited.
A Few Practical Steps to Ease the Hesitation
Lower the stakes in your own mind. When approaching someone, reframe the ask internally: "I'm not asking them to join a movement that depends entirely on me. I'm simply sharing something God has put on my heart and inviting them to consider it with me." That small shift can reduce the pressure.
Start with the safest people. You already know many who agree. Begin there. Share the proclamation again with one or two trusted friends and ask specifically: "Would you be willing to pray through this once a day for a week and let me know how God speaks to you?" Small, low-pressure experiments build confidence.
Prepare a simple "next step" path. Have one clear, easy follow-up ready:
"If this resonates, here's the link to sign digitally and get the prayer guide."
"Our first Zoom prayer call is [date]—would you join me?" When the conversation ends, you already know what to do next. That reduces the fear of "what now?"
Pray specifically against this fear. Ask God to remind you that:
He is the one who keeps people engaged (Philippians 2:13)
Your role is faithfulness, not guaranteed outcomes
Any fruit is His, not yours to produce or protect
Final Encouragement
The fact that you're even wrestling with this shows how seriously you take the call. Most people would never get this far if they didn't care deeply.
You don't have to be confident in your ability to keep people engaged forever. You only need to be faithful in the next invitation, the next follow-up, the next small step. God can multiply even a hesitant, imperfect effort when it's offered in obedience.
You're not failing by hesitating. You're human, and you're carrying something real.
Keep going—one faithful invitation at a time.
I couldn’t get over how good the advice was and how biblical it was. It was very encouraging. Most of all, it helped me remember it’s not about me. I’m not acting in my strength, I don't have to be confident in my own ability to keep people engaged. I just have to be faithful in the next invitation. And so I will.
